The Writing Factory

All Change

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 10:46:00 +0000

I've run this blog pretty much the same way for the past four and a half years. But having got a little bit jaded with it of late, and having realised that I've started to repeat myself, I've decided to make some changes to my blogging behaviour. Until now it's been a bit of a hotchpotch of reviews, comment pieces and personal reflections. In truth this has resulted in a bit of an unfocussed muddle of stuff and I feel the need for change. So, first off there shall be no more reviews of anything. This is partly because the entire planet now fancies itself as reviewers but also because I feel that one's taste in films, music and books is so personal that any honest review can only ever end in the line 'I liked/disliked it but you may feel differently'. Also, I will refrain from writing about current news events unless it comes about naturally. This too is because my own personal take on things may or may not be accurate/well informed and given that I am not a journalist I worry about my competence to write such pieces.

So, you may be wondering, what will I be doing ? Well there will be fewer posts than before, but hopefully of more interest. What I aim to do from here on is to post 1 or 2 times per week but in a longer format and on a more personal nature. To an extent this will take the loose form of a journal but will be more sprawling than that and will hopefully involve more of my own photographs too. The idea here is that less will be more but hopefully of greater overall interest. And, as Jimmy Cricket used to say, there's more.

In 2010 I shall be really turning up the heat as regards 'other writing'. This means getting into the second draft of one book, finishing the first of another and writing smaller pieces for submission to competitions or magazines. And that brings me onto part two of the plan. I do have another blog which many of you were kind enough to read, but at the moment it is closed. Early in the new year it will be revamped and re-opened. The purpose of this is to house some fiction writing. I shall be putting sample chapters and other bits on there. I do so because I invite comment and in order to improve. Thus I will welcome constructive criticism, but given my sensitive artistic side I'll be rather put out if I'm simply abused.

Anyhow, those are my plans, so expect to see some action come January time. In the meantime do enjoy the festivities, even if it's just in order to put your feet up and de-stress a bit.

Avatar : Review

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 23:21:00 +0000

Well, you all know that I had grave doubts about this, and that was based on two of the worst theatrical trailers I've ever seen. And the premise seemed silly too, and rather old hat, in fact it was rather fabulously described by someone as 'Smurf-ohontas'. Well, Sunday last I saw the film in a large cinema in London and on a 3D screen. And my verdict ?

Well, there are two aspects to the film, namely the story and the effects. The story is unoriginal, predictable and we've all seen this many times before. I was quite disappointed with that aspect as James Cameron is not known for recycling hackneyed old plots and he has apparently been working on this particular idea for 14 years. If so then I don't see how he didn't realise just how derivative it was. Then there's the dialogue which is straight out of a video game and even the characterisation is rather lacking. But luckily the technical side of things more than makes up for these faults.

What Cameron and his team have created here is an entire planet and ecosystem made entirely out of pixels. And then he has populated it with motion capped actors who are all coated in an entirely unprecedented level of graphical wizardry. When you add 3D into the mix you are left with something which is totally ground breaking, visually stunning and totally immersive. Most of the film is set in this world and so it needed to be good, and it is. And the level of detail achieved in the jungle world is amazing, so much so that only multiple viewings will reveal it all.

From that point on there unfolds a love story, a bit of melodrama and towards the end Cameron unleashes his action credentials and reminds us all why we love him so much. The film is too long to be sure, threatens a splitting headache with the sheer sensory overload on display and you can see the end coming slightly before you take your seat. But the spectacle, ambition, imagination and sheer awe on the screen are enough to mean that this is a film that must be seen by all cinema fans, and it must be seen on a big screen in 3D. It isn't perfect by any means, but my God when it does its thing it is unlike anything ever before put on film. And who knew that a 9 foot tall blue lady could be so sexy ?

The Writing Factory On Tour

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 09:03:00 +0000

In my previous post I alluded to a trip I was about to undertake. Well, now I've arrived at the other end, and I'm back in England and the snow. Since moving to Spain I've felt precious little incentive to come back, but a few months ago I started to get a bit homesick and decided to take the plunge.

Certain things worried me. Firstly I detest air travel and avoid it whenever I can. When you add snow and freezing runways into the mix this makes life more scary. Also, I had the rather irrational feeling that once I left my sunny life in Spain and came back to England, perhaps I wouldn't be allowed to go back. And finally there was the fear that when I returned, old friends would be indifferent to me, having moved on and put my entire existence out of their minds. But thankfully, none of these things have happened.

Instead I've been visiting my native country like a tourist. I marvelled at seeing snow when I arrived, gaped wide-eyed at Big Ben and the London Eye, chuckled to myself as I could converse with anyone I liked as if it was easy and then woke up today with my balls frozen solid. Yep, it's definitely England. Only now of course, it isn't home any more. My home is Valencia, and I've become used to it and its people. I've managed to keep certain English habits like tea drinking, and discard others like 9 month winters. And I've created a little pocket for myself there, where I can live happily and relatively stress-free.

So, has visiting my native country made me wonder about my choices ? No, not at all. I'd forgotten how appalling and expensive the transport system is. I'd forgotten how bitterly cold the weather is. I'd forgotten how early it gets dark. And I'd forgotten how the place closes down at about 6pm. And not only that the place has moved on from me and vice versa. I've seen many old friends and they all seemed pleased to see me, but I never got the feeling that any one had actually suffered greatly due to my absence. They've all just shrugged their shoulders and got on with it. And in all honesty I've done the same. It's fun to be back for a week, but I'm under no illusions as to where my heart currently resides.

The Writing Factory Will Return...

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:08:00 +0000

I've not posted much here lately, because there's not been much going on. And what with Christmas coming up, and a certain trip that I am making it's unlikely that there will be many or indeed any more things put on here this year. So, I hope that anybody who reads this message has a decent Christmas. This blog will be back after the New Year, and hopefully I will have done some stuff that will be worth writing about.

Let It Rot

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 20:21:00 +0000

Have you heard, Dubai is in $60bn worth of debt. Why is this, well it seems that they borrowed a lot of money to build the most vulgar resort in human history, and then couldn't pay it all back. Aw shucks !!

I've never been to the place myself, but I know several who have and they have all loathed it with a passion. To me it seems like an Arabian Las Vegas, only without the sense of humour and a with a lot more money. And a collection of ridiculous structures have been built there over the last few years, all with the aim of opulence and luxury but all coming over as the ultimate in tack. Because what these people don't seem to understand is that merely because something is the biggest, or most expensive of its kind, that doesn't make it the best.

This is the same reason that Vegas is ludicrous, they have a pretend Eiffel Tower and a pretend St. Mark's Square. Well, am I the only one who would rather see the real things rather than a plastic copy in a gambling resort so vulgar that I imagine even Satan would turn his nose up at it and make other travel arrangements. And Dubai is all these things and more. For instance it has the silly World Islands project where you can buy a pretend island, roughly in the shape of a country. Only it's not that country, has nothing to do with it and is totally fake. Can someone please tell me why anyone would pay millions for such a thing ? Especially when you'll end up living next to a Premiership footballer.

Or there is a mega skyscraper that is over a kilometre tall. But do you really want to work or live in such a place, especially as anyone who has ever seen 'The Towering Inferno' knows that they can only fight fires up to about ten stories. Or perhaps a strong wind will get up one day and bend it over. Hmmm, that'll be fun as you see all your furniture slide towards the window amidst assorted screaming. Or perhaps you'd like to go skiing in the indoor ski slope, which is built in a desert. Yes it's a remarkable engineering feat, but who goes to Dubai to ski ?

But, silliness aside, as far as I'm concerned Dubai is a shining symbol of all that is wrong with the modern world. The celebration of greed and excess is so disgusting that a visitor from either Sodom or Gomorrah would be immediately asking for their money back and looking into flights out. Dubai is a haven for the super rich which is ugly, unnecessary and just plain cruel. Whilst half the world doesn't have clean drinking water, this bunch of arrogant, greedy arseholes are drinking champagne from the armpits of super models. And now they've gone bust. Good. Don't bail them out and don't save them. Just let them and their folly in the desert sink into the sand as quickly as possible.

Can This Possibly Work In America ?

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 13:55:00 +0000

Alan Partridge is one of the great comedy creations of the last 20 years. Brilliantly observed, excruciatingly awkward and with the finest attention to detail you could ever hope for, Partridge works because he represents glorious mediocrity. And we can all relate to that can't we. He first appeared in 'On The Hour' and 'The Day Today' but soon got his own show. But it's been a few years since he appeared on our screens, and this week plans for a movie were announced.

Only Steve Coogan, who plays him, now has a career in America, having appeared in the Night At The Museum films plus other stuff. Could that be the reason then that the Partridge film is set in the U.S. in a 'fish out of water' scenario ? Certainly the pitch, that everyone can relate to his foolish antics, seems concerning. Partridge relies on a certain Britishness, and a knowledge of that black hole of naffness that so many performers fall down.

Making his appeal broader, while no doubt making financial sense, may also detract from what made him funny in the first place, and I fear a cheap Borat knock off rather than a proper Alan Partridge experience. If the idea is to make Alan international then I shudder. Because he is by nature a creature of British TV, and to take him away from there is very risky indeed. I hope it'll be good, as I am a big fan of Partridge, but I have severe doubts. Does anyone else think this is a good idea ?

I Have Seen The World's Greatest Gadget

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 10:29:00 +0000

I've always been intrigued by home projectors. Ever since they became available a few years back I've always wanted one. But the cost of a good one, plus the screen plus the space always meant that it didn't happen. So instead I bought a nice plasma and have been pretty happy with it. Until last week.

Over here the main department store is called 'El Corte Ingles', and they have a lovely electronics department that I've spent many a happy hour drooling around. But the other day I ventured into their cinema room and saw the little toy pictured above in action. I always had the idea that projectors produced a large but ultimately slightly fuzzy image, and so I wasn't too fussed about not having one. But what I didn't take into account was the effect that would result from combining HD technology with projection technology. To say my jaw dropped would perhaps be an understatement. The picture quality, on what was a very big screen was incredible. They were playing the Clive Owen film 'The International' on blu-ray (good film btw) and I was moistened by the experience.

So, I have decided that an Optoma full HD projector must be mine. Although of course first I'll have to have a room big enough to accommodate it. Damn those details.

James, It's Safe To Come Out Now

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 07:46:00 +0000

I've posted two pieces on here about how worried I was for the new James Cameron film, 'Avatar'. Well now we're a week away from release and reviews have started to appear. My doubts, and those of many, were based on two really bad trailers, that made the film look like a mopey, eco-warrior load of old toss. However, early reviews suggest that this isn't the case at all.

I'm the first to get excited about a new Cameron film, after 'Terminator', 'Aliens' and 'The Abyss', this was always going to be an event. But as he'd been away from films for 12 years who knew if he'd actually do a George Lucas and suddenly be rubbish. Then you have the added factor that the movie is in 3D, a potentially gimmicky move that could smack of needless window dressing.

But when I look for guidance on movies, I look to Empire magazine, that bible of film criticism that I have followed faithfully for 20 years. I haven't always agreed with them (5 stars for Borat ? Do me a favour !) but they are right much more often than they are wrong. And they have posted all 5 red stars this very morning for 'Avatar'. So to my mind, that means that when I'm in London next week, I'll be strapping on a pair of 3D glasses and having a go myself. After that I shall report back here and tell you all what I thought.

Wake Up...And Smell The News !!

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 15:51:00 +0000

This man is called Chris Morris, and over the last 15 years or so he has consistently been Britain's funniest man. Perhaps some of you won't have heard of him, if so, then shame on you. And in order to make up for your appalling error, you need to go and buy two things;

1. The Complete Boxset of 'On The Hour' and;

2. The Complete Boxset of 'The Day Today'.

Only then can you be truly happy. Because you will find the genesis of characters like Alan Partridge, brilliant performances from the likes of Patrick Marber and Rebecca Front (she of 'The Thick Of It') and best of all the genius that is Christopher Morris as a Paxman-like news anchor who is almost sexually excited by the concept of 'The News'. You'll also see some of the finest comedy writing that has ever been produced. So go on, treat yourselves. And if you aren't sure, then go to YouTube and make yourselves sure.

About That Six Pack

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:49:00 +0000

Some time ago, well in advance of my 40th birthday, I started posting about my plan to be fitter for my 40th than I was for my 30th, and to have something approaching a six pack. My 40th birthday was 3 months ago, and you might have noticed that I've gone oddly quiet on this topic. Well, no more, because it's update time !

Can I begin by informing you that I did not achieve my goal, and hence no photos were posted of my bronzed torso. However, I did achieve certain things that I no longer believed were possible. First off I did manage to lose the beer gut that I'd built up through several years of self-abuse. That in itself turned out to be surprisingly difficult, especially after turning 35. Secondly I discovered a love of exercise that I didn't realise I had the capacity for. I always used to hear about people that were 'addicted' to exercise and wrote them off as freaks. But as it turns out, becoming addicted to exercise is actually quite easy, so long as you can get some consistency going.

Thirdly I found that I could actually grow muscles. Because you see exercising isn't about the amount you do, it's about the consistency. If you can do it every day then you'll see far more progress than if you just do one huge workout per week. And it's also a bad idea to work hard for three days and then jump naked in front of the mirror expecting to see an adonis standing there. All you'll actually see is a tired version of what you were before. This can be demoralising until you realise how the human body actually works, i.e. very slowly. It's far better to do that naked mirror jump once a fortnight or better still once a month, because then you will see a difference.

Also, no matter how hard you work, diet is equally as important. You really can't expect to lose weight if you carry on drinking alcohol every day or eating that fatty shit that got you into this mess in the first place. You need to change what goes into your stomach, and you need to drink water too. Lots of it. Not Coke, or milk, or coffee or tea. But water. We are made of water so it isn't greatly surprising that we need to consume a large amount of the stuff in order to remain healthy. Simple biology. And the body also needs other stuff like vitamins, protein and roughage. None of those things can be found in a bag of chips.

And if all this stuff seems like idealism, and not possible in real life then you're wrong. Because I used to think all that too, and I was wrong. I spent years and years feeling inexplicably tired, and whilst I never actually got fat my naked body looked like a shapeless blob of playdough. I used to look at myself in the mirror with a sinking feeling and think 'oh well, that's age for you'. This, is pure undistilled bollocks. There's no reason that people of nearly any age can't look good, and to say otherwise is just denial. It's nice to have a blow out every now and then, but you cannot do it every day. And believe me, I am a lazy bastard. Not convinced ? Okay, look in the dictionary under the word 'lazy' and you'll see a photo of me waving at you from the page. And so this means that if a lazy toss machine like me can do this stuff, then the rest of you have got no excuses.

And by the way, I have found out that the only way to get a 6 pack is via a punishing regime of abdominals. Not by swimming, or running or star jumps. You get yourself a mat, and you crunch that tummy until you feel faint. No need for expensive equipment or a gym subscription, you only need a floor. And I think we can all find one of those. And if you want to get fitter then run round the neighbourhood every day. And if you want to get muscular then buy cheap £20 weights from the local shop and go for it. The only person stopping you is you. Of course in my case that means there's an obstinate and persuasive bastard blocking my way, I just need to firmly shove him out of my way. So, perhaps those torso snaps will appear on my 41st instead. If so, I'll ensure that a supply of sick bags is made available in advance.

Leave It Sunshine !

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 21:50:00 +0000

In the U.K. we have a rich tradition of 'geezah' movies. Going back to the likes of Michael Caine and Terence Stamp in the 60's, and continuing with actors like Bob Hoskins, Ray Winston and Jason Statham more recently. And if you loved 'Sexy Beast' as much as I did then you'll be pleased to hear that there's a follow up of sorts due out, called '44 inch chest'. It's got a cast that's well over the 40 mark (and thank Christ for that), a liberal amount of violence and at least one use of the phrase 'Shut it'. And best of all there's no sign of Guy Ritchie. Can't wait.

These Make Me Wet

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 20:21:00 +0000

You all know me by now, when it comes to technology I am an outrageous whore. Flashing lights, sleek matt black finishes and cool little 'ping' noises are the stuff of erotic ecstasy for me. I've gone on about Apple products until I'm blue in the tongue, and they are phenomenal. But there is other stuff I crave as well, and it doesn't come in white plastic and with a piece of fruit as a logo.

Let's take audio equipment for instance. I've known since my foetal stage that if you want hi-fi equipment then you buy separates. Unless that is, you can afford the Arcam Solo, which is a simply trouser violating piece of equipment that not only comes in a single box, but then goes on to make Bose's equivalent machine sound like a monkey scratching a tin can.

I also know that the speakers you buy are slightly more important than your left ventricle. Cabling too is glorious and vaguely sexual, and if you are really serious then you can buy a turntable (no, you don't call it a record player) which costs more than a Ford Fiesta, has almost no moving parts and sounds like Mozart himself has arrived at your front door and decided to give an impromptu recital in your living room. And we won't even get started on machines that clean up your electricity.

Because you see, music is the single greatest invention of mankind. And this means that you need to have equipment on which to play it that makes the latest N.A.S.A. budgets look like someone's pocket money. Unless that is you can afford to employ an orchestra full time, but I can't. Over the years I have spent silly money on this type of thing, generally according to needs. And my needs right now, given that I live in a flat, are for a pair of simply epic headphones. And when it comes to a good pair of cans, you can pretty much forget every major manufacturer. And whilst you're at it, you can discard any notions of Bose too. If you are a computer salesman that spends all his time on internal flights then fine, buy a pair of noise reducers for £200 too much. But if not then don't.

Of course there are other sensible choices here, like Skull Candy, Grado and Shure, but for me the Sennheisers are the high priestesses of headphones. And the model pictured above, the 650s, are amongst the very best headphones that money can buy. Alright that money is about £300, but they do come in a metal box and they will probably live longer than you do. But before you shuffle off this mortal coil they will have given you years of aural pleasures that will have made your life infinitely more agreeable than it would have been without them. Of course if music isn't a big deal to you then go and buy a £50 pair of JVCs. But if music is more important to you than the next beat of your heart then treat yourself and your ears. Some things are expensive simply because they should be. I'm saving up as we speak.

Not Funny Enough

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 19:48:00 +0000

Monopolies are always a bad thing, and the dominance that Judd Apatow has over the American comedy film scene is damaging and needs to stop. Virtually everything that comes out now has his name attached to it somewhere. And from a business point of view I'm sure he makes a lot of sense. His films make money, they are professionally made, have good casts and high production values. So why is it that they are all so painfully unfunny ?

Part of the answer lies in the style, that deadpan delivery that is so naturalistic that it actually detracts from the comedy situation. The same troupe of actors revolve around all his productions and invariably give the same performances year after year. Worse still the scripts are full of potentially funny situations that are then thrown away with weak punchlines and the whiff of way too much improvisation. Not only that but there is a factory smell to the stories, which all have conventional character arcs and invariably a gooey message at the end. This is not the stuff of great comedy.

A perfect example of this is 'Year One' which takes a similar premise to 'Monty Python's Life of Brian' and fails to do anything remotely imaginative with it. 'Life of Brian' was clever, provocative and enormously inventive. 'Year One' on the other hand is safe, bland, lazy and superficial. Worse still it is formulaic and looks like it has fallen off the same production line as dross like 'Evan Almighty' and 'Superbad'. Truly great comedy films like the aforementioned 'Python' films, Mel Brooks' 1970's output, Airplane and Woody Allen on a good day are funny because they take risks, are underpinned with insight and intelligence and because they put a finger up at safe, box-office friendly film making. I'm sure Judd Apatow is a funny man, I just wish he'd push his luck a lot more and create work that is properly funny, rather than mildly amusing with the occasional decent idea.

700

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:05:00 +0000

This is my 700th post. I have nothing much to say about this, other than I'm pleased that I've lasted so long. Looking at my stat figures, people still come here, and thank you all for that. This blog is now more than four years old, and in the wake of phenomena like Facebook and Twitter (both of which I've dabbled in) I still think blogging is the most satisying way that one can waste one's time on the internet. My next aim is to push on towards 1000 posts which I should reach in about a year's time. So please all keep coming, as I'd feel a bit daft sitting here on my own.

And Sony Show Why Illegal Downloading Is So Popular

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:32:00 +0000

File-sharing is in the news a lot right now. First Pirate Bay and now Mininova, two of the world's largest Bit Torrent sites, have been shut down. So the entertainment industry must be pretty damned pleased with itself. In the same week, Sony have launched a legal movie download service on the PS3, and I can tell you that it epitomises why people pirate stuff in the first place.

First off, it's rubbish. A poor selection of films, nearly all on standard def, and for the same price as the physical copy. Secondly you have to have the films in the language of the country you live in. Thirdly the download sizes of the HD files that they do have is 8 gbs, so just 7 of those would fill up my whole hard drive, and yet as I'd paid to own those films I'd be a mug to then delete them for space reasons. On the U.K. version there is also no option to rent films (although there is such a feature on the Spanish version), and God knows what the quality is like because I'm buggered if I'm going to try.

So Sony have not only screwed the pooch on this one, but have dressed it up in stockings and suspenders and then uploaded a video of the event to YouTube. If this crappy service is the so-called 'legal alternative' to downloading then it ain't gonna work. The whole reason people pirate at all is because they are tired of being ripped off for a shitty, overpriced product. That the entertainment industry clearly haven't grasped this demonstrates why this whole pirating thing will go on for years. And frankly I can see why.

I'm Getting Tired Of This

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 17:52:00 +0000

Over the years I've been a fairly keen follower of football. I've never been a season ticket holder nor have I actually been to very many matches, but I've generally kept an eye on it and I normally have a fair idea of who is doing what. But I must confess that I think I'm losing interest in it at last.

I like sport, and I enjoy watching the very best people play in big contests. But I don't know whether sport has changed or whether I have, but it just seems increasingly cynical to me. Football is the worst culprit, and seems to now be mean spirited, nasty and very unattractive. Cheating has become the norm, players are unsporting and dishonest and the arrogance that the upper echelon of the game demonstrates is pretty horrible. And to be honest I can't really see why I bother.

I just put on a few minutes of the Arsenal-Chelsea game and turned it off soon after. The match was spiteful, bad-tempered and every player that went down arched his back, pretended to be seriously injured and then lo and behold was healed a few seconds later. As football fans we put up with this, and this makes us complicit. If it's our player that goes down then it must be genuine, and if not then he's a cheat. This extends to the managers whose capacity for being disingenuous has become breathtaking, and I find it all very hard to stomach. In the time that I spend watching football I could read, or watch a film or have a nice stroll. And I'm becoming increasingly convinced that any of those pursuits would be a much better use of my time.

Do We Deserve To Survive If We Won't Even Try To Save Ourselves ?

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 07:50:00 +0000

Over in Copenhagen, the largest countries are having yet another go at trying to do something about global warming. And to me the whole thing is totally pathetic. To my mind the equation goes like this : we may very well be making our own planet uninhabitable, we have nowhere else to live, and thus we need to try and stop doing it. If we don't then Darwin was right about things, and we just aren't fit enough to survive. Perhaps the rats will make a better fist of things than we did ?

There's no more powerful measure of the sheer stupidity of mankind than the pig-headed refusal of some to agree on measures to stop climate change. If the constant wars, hatred and intolerance weren't enough to convince you, take a look at the arguments of those who don't 'believe' in global warming. When they say 'we don't see compelling evidence for global warming', what they really mean is 'we're making WAY too much money from polluting to even consider giving it up'. So it seems that 'belief' here is analogous to religion, we believe what suits us.

The earth is getting hotter, and on this no-one disagrees. The dispute revolves around quite why it is doing so. Some say that the planet heats up and cools down on its own without our help and this is just nature. Well, as a former lawyer I know better than anyone how evidence can be manipulated, side-stepped and discredited for one's own uses. And there's no such thing as 100% proof. But we are here, we pollute (like crazy) the air we ourselves breathe, and the planet is getting hotter alarmingly fast. Scientists all over the world are satisfied, and even to the layman the signs are scary. In a court of law our own test is 'beyond a reasonable doubt' or in civil cases whether something is more 'probable than not'. Surely against all that we should act now, just to be on the safe side ?

The other thing that irritates me about this so-called debate (although I hesitate to dignify it with that label) is that all the people in favour of doing something are labelled tree huggers, hippies and bearded wonders. That, my friends, is bollocks. The people who want to change things want to be ALIVE. And they'd quite like their children and grandchildren to be as well. Those who don't want to change invariably have a financial agenda that is not so well hidden. But of course any changes are happening fairly slowly and so just like evolution they can be dismissed because we can't see the dangers in glorious technicolour. Well then, go and take a look at 2012, or The Omega Man or any other of a dozen apocalyptic films. If you want to see how the future could look if we continue marching around as if we're indestructible, there it is in widescreen and Dolby Surround.

Of course the mere fact that we are having a debate at all on whether we should do anything only shows how far we have yet to come as a species. This obsession with financial gain and money (both of which are human made concepts and ultimately meaningless) will be the end of us yet. Just imagine how important a bank full of paper will be when people are killing each other for a glass of water. And wouldn't it be a shame if all those thousands of years of progress that allow us time to think, communicate and reason were thrown away for absolutely no reason ? Can we realise en masse that things need to change or are we destined to be another species like the dinosaurs, appearing in skeleton form in a museum of the future and ultimately written off in a similar way, 'their brains were too small to save themselves' ? And for any of you that don't believe this can happen, well you just proved my point.

Is This The Playstation 4 ?

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 16:53:00 +0000

Almost certainly not. After all it's way too cool for a start. I mean have you seen the PS3 slim ? It looks like a black brick of matt plastic, and is about as cool as a dinner tray. Sony are not known for cool design, which is generally okay because the innards of their machines are usually better than the rest (and yes, that includes you Microsoft).

But it would be great to have a piece of kit that looked like this, like a high end loudspeaker that only millionaires and hopeless nerds can afford. Of course as anyone who owns an Apple product knows, coolness comes at a premium. And as I expect that the next Playstation will also be the last, I suppose Sony will actually want to sell a few. Still, one can dream.

The Return Of The Sein

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:55:00 +0000

My favourite sitcom of all time is 'Seinfeld'. Proof of that are the 9 DVD box sets that sit behind me on a shelf. And like most 'Seinfeld' fans I also adore 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' starring 'Seinfeld' co-creator Larry David. The latter show is a companion piece to the earlier one, ruder, more daring but still based on the same comedy foundations. The cast members of 'Seinfeld' have all duly appeared in 'Curb' over the years, but in season 7, they all reappeared.

Many classic shows return for reunion shows, but 'Seinfeld' was always different from the mainstream, so when they decided to come back they did it in a unique way. The idea of a reunion of the show formed the central plot device for the latest 'Curb' season, and so we have a 'show within a show' scenario. In episodes of 'Curb' we see the 'Seinfeld' cast rehearse a new show, and then we see large chunks of the finished article but watched through the 'Curb' universe.

It sounds complicated but it's actually very simple and very effective. The original cast look great, the script they follow is up to scratch and the whole thing is totally authentic. And as it's as close as we're ever likely to get to another actual episode of 'Seinfeld' it should be treasured. Indeed I wouldn't be surprised, given the way it ended if this becomes the final season of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' too. If so then they picked the perfect moment to stop.

BANG !

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 12:47:00 +0000

Strap yourselves in people, the Big Bang machine is back in action. Over a year ago this ludicrously expensive machine broke down as soon as someone pushed the 'on' switch. Only now is the thing fixed, and working again. It has been criticised a great deal, not only for the cost but also because of the tiny possibility that it might create a black hole and destroy the planet. This eventuality has been dismissed by sciency people as being nearly impossible, and to be fair similar colliders in other parts of the world have seen no such issues. Although I'm not entirely happy with the use of the word 'nearly' next door to that of 'impossible'. Still, they wouldn't listen to me anyway.

But of the cost implications I feel there is a stronger argument against. 10 Billion dollars is a lot of money. If we lived in a Utopia where everybody had food, shelter and safe drinking water I'd be the first to encourage these guys to build their big tube, just so long as they went underground to play with it. But we don't live in that world, and large areas of the planet are blighted with living conditions that most of us couldn't imagine. Of course they tell us that it's all worth it because we may find out what caused the Big Bang. Those results, if produced, will appear as an item on the news one night and then be buried in a science journal thereafter. Will it really change our lives, I imagine not.

So the question remains as to whether the LHC is a justifiable expense in this day and age, or a white elephant. When it was first unveiled I was a firm supporter of the project, but as time has passed and nothing has happened, I've realised that I cannot think of a single comparable example of something which cost so much money with such a vague promise of results. But I suppose only time will tell, and at least it's now working and so they have more opportunity to justify its existence. I just hope they do so in a way that doesn't make it look like a colossal vanity project that we could have lived without before we get everyone eating food. Not, of course, that the money would have gone to the poor anyway, it would have just stayed lodged in the wallets of those who have enough dosh to pay for this sort of thing.

Tottenham Hotspur 9 - 1 Wigan Athletic

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 11:52:00 +0000

Need I say more ?

Bye Bye Oprah, You Won't Be Missed In This House

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:33:00 +0000

Oprah Winfrey sent shock waves around the world today by announcing that her talk show will end in 2011. My reaction to this bombshell ? Well, perhaps even she has enough money now ?

Now let me be clear, I have nothing against Oprah Winfrey as a concept. She seems harmless enough, and has had a generally positive impact on many aspects of American society. But her talk show makes me puke.

I don't know whether it is the Olympic level of sycophancy on display (which she apparently does nothing to discourage) or simply the cloying sentimentality that powers the show like a giant battery. Actually, it's probably the latter. Because that level of shmaltz isn't safe to watch without first covering your eyes with a piece of smoked glass. Even then you may be damaged by a few stray chunks of vomit.

Oh no, even better, it's the Oprah book club, where the very fact that she encourages people to read books makes her admired and adored. I'm sorry, but anybody who doesn't realise that there is very little better in life than reading a good book, can go to Hell via reality TV. Does Oprah deserve a medal for pointing this out, no, no more than I deserve a medal for encouraging people to breathe oxygen. Although the painful attempt by Richard & Judy to imitate her in this respect almost redeems her, given that Richard gives the impression that he normally reads nothing more challenging than the dry cleaning instructions on his suit.

So when she hangs up her microphone in 2011, I won't shed an artificial tear. Besides which, given that she has more money that God, I expect she'll be comfortable. Let's just pray she doesn't go into politics any further than being seen crying at Obama's victory party. When I saw that I imagined that millions of Americans felt like withdrawing their vote. Having said that, given the current nature of TV, she'll probably be replaced by a man repeatedly hitting himself in the face with a hammer. At least her show involved full sentences.

Dead ?

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:07:00 +0000

Now this makes me feel old. In the early 80's my Dad bought a CD player. We hooked it up to the stereo and heard a quality of sound that had up to then been no more than the dreams of a madman. As time passed our collection increased from the early days of James Last (and no, I'm not joking) to things that were actually good. For my generation the CD was the fulfilment of every fantasy that we'd ever had about music. And even now it still seems fresh, exciting and cool. But my generation it seems, is being prepared for the grave.

Today one of the biggest niche music equipment manufacturers, called Linn, announced that they were abandoning the production of CD players in favour of streaming technology. This is curious because Linn is what's known as an audiophile manufacturer, i.e. they make high end kit for music nerds. But they reckon that it is now possible to get stuff online which is better quality than the CD. This puzzles me because I always thought that MP3s were essentially stripped down versions of CD quality, and consequently not as good. But things have clearly moved on. In this age of high speed broadband, CDs have apparently been superseded.

This shouldn't come as a great shock given that my record collection has long ago been ripped onto iTunes and now physically resides in a cream box in the garage. But I still kind of thought that CD was the current technology. Now it seems that we'll all soon be streaming music to devices all over the shop, and our record collections will amount to nothing more than a humming box under the desk. There is one benefit though, I don't believe that James Last and his orchestra have made the transition. Ah well, there are always casualties in any technological advance.

BUY IT !!

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:58:00 +0000

VERY few people genuinely make me laugh, but Michael McIntyre does. He has a new video out, and deserves all the success he gets. If you can, buy his works, in all their glory.

I Know What I Said But...

jedlomax@gmail.com (The Factory) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:29:00 +0000

I promised I wouldn't talk about it again, but I now have an iPhone, and I'm buggered if I can find a single fault with the thing ! Normally when I buy a new piece of kit (and you must bear in mind that consumer electronics are my version of crack cocaine) I always have to wait a while to get it. In that waiting period I fantasise the thing into almost mythical proportions, so that when I actually get it, it's something of a let down. Well, not so with the iPhone.

As good as I thought it would be (and I fantasise an awful lot) it has surpassed my expectations. In comparison, my previous phone looks like a lump of coal with some buttons. Oh yes it was expensive, and I will quickly run out of kidneys whilst paying the monthly bills, but I so don't care. You could argue that the battery could last longer, but it lasts for the day so who cares ? Anyway given that it's doing stuff that NASA would find somewhat tricky, I can forgive a bit of power drain.

When you consider that my first computer was actually a ZX81, I cannot believe what Apple have achieved here. My parents-in-law have just obtained new Sony Ericsson phones, and they are perfectly okay, but compared to my iPhone they look like cavemen that have broken into a Noel Coward convention. Everything this thing does is amazing, and I cannot quite get my head around it. Not only does it have more functions than are possible to remember when boasting, but EVERYTHING it does is better than EVERYTHING ELSE. I know people have come on here and given it some stick, but I don't believe any of those people have owned one. If they had they would have been in as much awe as I am. And I'm a very tough audience, it takes a lot to impress me, I come 'pre-disappointed' in most areas of life. But not this time.

I've always loved my iPod, and quite literally use it every day of my life. But the iPhone is just silly in its competence, and in a world where hype generally stands in for quality, I am genuinely amazed. And all I can think of is what their other products must be like. In particular that 'fuck off' 27 inch iMac that looks so cool that I actually feel that I'd need to redecorate my office before buying one. My good friend Mr. Soanes advised me that people that buy Apple products soon become salesmen for them. And this is because in a world where we are increasingly sold an exquisitely polished turd, the Apple iPhone exceeds every expectation I could have had for it. And given that I am a hopeless fantasist, that's saying a hell of a lot. The only problem I have in life right now, is scraping together the €1500 that a top of the range iMac costs. Although now I know it'll be worth every damn penny.