Sexy Dancer

Now, although ‘The Writing Factory’ is currently enjoying its summer break, that doesn’t mean that I can’t post something if I like. Oh sure, I’m sat here all alone in the vast corporate headquarters that house this blog, and yes all the staff have gone away for a rest. But when something comes up that you just have to share then it’s time to put the top back on the your tan lotion, remove the skin tight swimming G-String and find a keyboard.

I think I’ve spoken before about my appalling lack of talent as a dancer. For those joining the show late, I’ve previously compared my dancing to that of an electrocuted scarecrow, and that’s being generous. I’m not cool, I’m not sexy and I’m the sort of spectacle that leads people to look on in horror before calling the authorities. So, I’m no real judge of dance, but when something is really good, even I can tell. The other night I was invited to see a friend of mine dance. She’s a professional Flamenco dancer, but despite knowing her for a while I’d never seen her perform.

You know when you meet someone and then get to know them in a certain context, and then you see them doing something else entirely and it just blows your mind ? Well, this was one of those occasions. Taking place at a rather odd artificial castle in the British ghetto of Alicante, the evening was a ‘Spanish Night’ stuffed full to the rafters with people so white that they were very nearly transparent. Not only that but when the dancing started, they were all so still it seemed very likely that a large proportion of them had died and nobody had noticed.

However, I was there to see my friend perform and managed to ignore them. She’s the one on the left and she did, on and off, about 2 hours and was amazing. I’m not that familiar with Flamenco but as we all know it’s the typical dance of Spain, and when done properly it’s fantastic. Well, this was done more than properly and she was effortless, graceful and above all, as sensual as hell. This was demonstrated by the sudden re-animation of the male portion of the crowd as she got into her stride. Before you knew it, the men were standing to get a better look, and training whichever recording devices they had to hand on her.

So, I thought that I’d share the experience with you all. It’s pointless to try and describe it further as it’s something you really need to see first hand. But I tell you what, if any of you are ever over here I’ll see if I can get you to a show and any men amongst you can suddenly develop a keen interest in Flamenco. I may even be able to get you an autograph but I’ll need to clear it with her people first.

The Summer Recess

This is a photo I took last weekend from the balcony of a flat I was staying in, and yes that is the sea. Summer is now in full swing and the thought of spending time in front of this keyboard seems silly. Not only that but from a writing point of view I am becoming stale, both here on my blog and where I try and write elsewhere. So, I have decided it is time to rest, and for that rest to be total. From now until such time as life returns to normal (mid-September) I shall be taking a break from writing. When I come back I will hopefully be refreshed and re-juvenated. I shall also be 40 though, so don't be too optimistic. In the meantime I can be contacted at the e-mail address in my profile for anyone who wishes to do so, and I may pop up from time to time here to post something if I feel inspired.

But otherwise it's time to slide on my bright yellow swimming thong (no, not really), to grease my body with brillotan summer stars (er, what ?) and to plunge myself into a number of bodies of water with an increasingly suicidal tendency. It's holiday time people, and I intend to enjoy it, after all you never quite know which summer is to be your last, and so it's best to make sure just in case. And I encourage you all to do the same and have as much fun as is legally possible. See you in the autumn.

Ouch !

Well yes, what a crushing surprise, I've hurt myself from exercise. Again. Take a look at that diagram to the left and most of those muscles are currently hurting me. So much so that at the end of last week I couldn't move for three days. Is this clever, no, clearly not. But when you do get inured there is the temptation to look in the mirror and say "well, that'll have to do" and then stop.

But this would be a colossal mistake, namely to assume that exercising or healthy living in general is something that has a finite ending, as if one day you can finally stop and start eating twelve Big Macs a day. The truth is that it is a never ending habit, that must be endured for life - that is if you want your life to have any sort of quality and length.

I no longer drink alcohol regularly, and I don't miss it a bit. I also like the fact that I can see the muscles on my body that I didn't even know I had. This is not to say that I am 'ripped' as the common parlance has it, mainly because I swim rather than work out. But I am healthier than I have been since school, and given that I'm nearly 40 that's something I'm pleased with. But I know that it doesn't end here, and that the second I feel okay it's back to the grindstone. Because the one thing I have realised is that a healthy lifestyle must be a permanent state of affairs. It can't be picked up and put down as you fancy it, it's a life sentence or there's no point in bothering.

The Empire Strikes Back

Can I really see Bill Gates as a nerdy Darth Vader ? Well, I dunno, but as predicted just a couple of posts back, Google's application of pressure on Microsoft has already borne fruit for the consumer (i.e. all of us). Microsoft announced today that they are going to put stripped down versions of Office on the web for free. This is a clear response to the Google Docs applications that are already free online. And it means that as I explained below, whichever platform you use, competition is healthy.

Personally speaking I have now decided to replace my PC landscape with Macs, starting in September with the Macbook, and then following later with the iMac. I will retain a PC though, in order to play an occasional FPS, and my wife has a newish Windows laptop. So Microsoft will still have a place in my life, but I am planning to install Google's OS as soon as it comes out, if it's a viable alternative. If not, then I will never upgrade from XP, or 'the acceptable face of Windows' as it's otherwise known. I've made my choice, but I know that most will stick with the PC format, and why not, it's cheaper and does the job (in a fashion). So you will all be better off for the Microsoft vs Google battle, and it's about time too.

Hard Core Porn

I have always been an admirer of the Alfa Romeo. Although I don't currently own a car, when I do, I hope it will be an Alfa. I know that they aren't very reliable, but then neither am I. We'll go together well. And furthermore they are beautiful, stylish and drive very well indeed. To me, slipping into an Alfa is like putting on a hand made Italian suit.

However even I can't fail to notice that the grill on the current GT is slightly suggestive of a female body part. Is this coincidence ? Well, given that the car was designed by Italians I very much doubt it. But it doesn't make me want one any less.

And It's Google To The Rescue

Hands up who hates Windows ? Yes, that's nearly all of you. Okay, hands up who hates Vista ? Yep, 99% again. And finally hands up who thinks it's about time that Microsoft had some real competition ? And if it isn't 100% now then some of you need to have a long hard think about that.

There is a reason that Windows is awful, namely that it has no real competition. Microsoft have been great at destroying their competitors over the years and whilst they have won, the rest of us have lost. A monopoly of any kind is terrible for the consumer, which is why they are to be avoided at all costs. In this case Microsoft can release shoddy, poorly written rubbish like Vista, and we have no option but to buy it at whatever cost they decide, because there is no alternative and everyone else on earth has it too. But anyone who has the hateful jism that they call Vista will tell you that no matter how many updates they download, it never ever gets any better. And for a piece of software that is supposedly market ready why do they even need so many updates ?

Anyway, next year Google is launching an Operating System. I already use their e-mail, browser and blog facilities and all are excellent. Now I will be able to toss away the final remnant of Microsoft and hopefully have an OS that is easy to use, well written and efficient. Not only that but you can bet your arse that it'll be cheaper than the astronomical amounts Microsoft charge for their half-finished rubbish. It isn't hard to make a good OS, look at the system on the Apple Mac, which is elegant, powerful and super fast. Microsoft have just got sloppy, but now they finally have competition they will have to pull their socks up. And whatever OS you end up using it will be all the better for this new scenario. Thank God for Google and roll on 2010.

The Best Player In The World Joins Real Madrid

I knew this would happen, just as soon as he signed for Real Madrid I knew that Cristiano Ronaldo would be all over the Spanish media. We now have to suffer images of him getting in and out of cars almost constantly. Do famous people do anything other than ride in cars ? And last night at the Bernebeu stadium in Madrid, in perhaps the most outrageous act of public masturbation you will ever see, he was announced to a packed crowd.

For someone with an ego the size of his, this will probably seem like a poor turnout, but to everyone else it was vulgar, insensitive and worst of all undeserving. Anyone who has watched the English league for several years will tell you that Ronaldo is a very good player, but the best in the world ? Hmmm. Manchester United fans were generally not sorry to see him go, partly because of his arrogance, but mainly because of his selfishness as a player. When he's on the pitch it's all about him. He does fancy tricks that aren't needed, hogs the ball and then has a tantrum when he throws himself to the ground and doesn't get a totally unmerited penalty. And then if he is substituted he storms off in a huff, presumably clutching his handbag to his chest.

So, we will see if the almost impossible expectations that have been set can possibly be fulfilled. My guess is that they will be, but not by Ronaldo. The world record for transfer fees was set just a week before the Ronaldo transfer broke it again, by a player who was signed from AC Milan. He is modest, humble, hard-working, and the most gifted player currently playing football anywhere. I have no doubt that it is he that will set the world alight this season with brilliant play, and that Real Madrid will become a major force again because of him. So yes, the best player in the world has just joined Real Madrid, his name is Kaka and he comes from Brazil.

PLEASE MAKE IT STOP !!! - PART 2

I have nothing against David Beckham, indeed whenever I've seen him interviewed he always comes across as a remarkably nice guy considering. But I am now sick to death of the never ending bombardment of press that he and his wife get. Let's be clear about this, these two, and people like them employ PR companies. Those companies are employed to make sure that their clients are never out of the newspapers or magazines. To what end I'm not sure, but I suppose they think their visibility relates directly to their profitability.

But the truth is, that nearly all these stories are self-generated, i.e. bits of fluff cynically fed to the press, along with pictures such as these to ensure their omnipresence in the public eye. The fact that Beckham's football career is all but over, and that Posh's singing career ended years ago doesn't seem to matter. They are now famous for being famous, and they invade our consciousness on a daily basis. The 'Brand Beckham' concept is weird, as they no longer have anything to sell but their celebrity. And surely that, even with the expensive promotion they pay for, has to end someday soon.

Is it that the spotlight of fame is so addictive that they cannot bear to leave it ? Because in all other respects they are looking like has-beens. I'm sure their 'people' are expert in keeping them famous but I imagine that as they are producing no real new 'product' even this will have its limits. And let's be honest here shall we, they've had a good run, they've been on the front pages for over a decade, but now their turn is coming to an end. Surely it's time to admit that gracefully, or risk being knocked off the pedestal by someone younger and prettier ?

PLEASE MAKE IT STOP !!! - PART 1

I've always been honest about my views on Big Brother, I hate it. I've hated it since it started and that hate has now matured into a venal loathing that causes me to dry heave whenever I hear the name. To me it is a pointless, horrible showcase for freaks, wannabe stars and people with borderline personality disorders. I get no pleasure from watching it as a 'social experiment' as some claim to do. It isn't, it's trashy, cheap exploitative TV at its very worst.

Flicking through some of the online British newspapers I see that the current series is on, and that offhand comments made by the contestants are being reported as major news stories. Is it just me that feels this to be absolute insanity, because I'm beginning to think I'm stranded on a taste island, where all the other inhabitants have left. The fact that ANYONE could feel that ANYTHING these idiots say or do could have the slightest importance baffles me.

Of course the TV station isn't daft, they perpetuate the thing because it gets high ratings, and that in turn means they make a lot of money from the telephone votes and can sell advertising at a higher rate than normal. They would no doubt continue to show it no matter how appalling it became, oh hang on they have. But what I can't see is how the public don't realise they are being played like puppets. To me the equation goes like this; the public like celebrities, but unfortunately we (the media) can't control everything that celebs do. So, why don't we create our own, but in such a way that we have total control over them, what they do, how they are marketed and when we can chuck them away and start again.

If you think about it, reality TV creates dozens of these artificial celebrities, and then a whole industry of newspapers, publicity agents and magazines feeds off them hungrily. But the thing is they aren't real stars. They've achieved nothing, and do not deserve their fame. But because the media has become so good at selling us rubbish, they can now dress up virtually any cretin and market them as a 'star'. And then they clean up when we all follow the activities of said 'star' sometimes until their dying day. It's all a complete charade isn't it ? And that's why I hate it all. It's almost as if we've just given up en masse and are now content to while away out limited time by watching this stuff, seemingly without any use of our critical faculties. There's really no chance of us ever getting to Mars is there.

The Sun And Other Related Pastimes

The full force of the summer has hit Valencia and the temperature during the day now hovers around the 40 mark. This means that life has shifted to the evenings more, as people find themselves cowering away from the sun during the day. It is quite hard to live with the heat, even for those that are used to it, and so one tends to take every chance to mitigate its effects. The oldest and still best solution is to go near a body of water and jump into it whenever the heat gets too much. This weekend I'll be going to a beach apartment with no internet access (I think) and this is in order to be closer to large bodies of water.

At night one doesn't have this option and so one must wait for the sun to go down and a cool evening breeze to appear. If of course one has a cold drink too, all the better. So I'll be away until next week, and I don't think I'll be able to update the blog before then. I hope you all have nice weekends too, and for those of you in hot places do remember the sunblock, I forget to take some two weeks ago and am still peeling as a result. Toodle pip !