Would You Like The List Sir ?

There's a particular car I like at the moment, for the record it is an Alfa Romeo GT. It isn't cheap but on the other hand it isn't so expensive either. A normal person, with a fair salary could aspire to one. But I haven't got one, nor could I even dream about that right now. This is partly due to the life path I have chosen (i.e. failure) and the accompanying financial restrictions. But it seems that the universe is not content to just let me alone. Instead it amuses itself by having one of these cars drive past me on an almost ridiculously frequent basis. And it knows that I will always look and drool.

Well, today I was waiting for someone when another Alfa GT slid past in all it's slinky sexiness. And then I looked at the driver and saw a callow youth driving it who was little older than a sperm. This infuriated me a bit and I turned away in annoyance and mumbled to myself 'what have done so wrong in life so that he gets that car and not me ?' and at the moment, rather than descending into the self-pity I had prepared myself for, the fictional character Kryten from Red Dwarf popped up in my head and said 'Would you like the list sir ?'. This made me laugh and I forgot about the foetus that had got my motor.

The line is from a sequence when the show's hate figure, Arnold Judas Rimmer, wonders aloud why nobody really likes him. Kryten takes it rather literally, utters the splendid line that I've named this post after, and then proceeds to catalogue Rimmer's every weakness, failure and unlikeable trait. After this is finished, Rimmer thanks him quietly and walks out of the room, absolutely shattered. It's always been a favourite joke of mine and it served well to remind me that there are doubtless a plethora of reasons why I never ended up with an Alfa Romeo GT. It may even be that the child driving it deserved it much more than me, but whatever I have done with my life so far, it hasn't resulted in such a motor car. 

But I know what you're thinking, namely if I did have that car would it really make me happy ? And you know what, the answer is...oh yes, very definitely.