Messing About On The Water

After months of agonising, wrangling and general buggering about, it has been announced that the America's Cup will be returning to Valencia next year. So, come February the city will once more be awash with designer labels, slightly annoying middle-aged British guys and high tech fibre glass yachts.

I wasn't here the last time it was held, so this time I intend to make the very most of it by hanging out down at the marina with my shades on, trying to save up for a coffee at the poncey cafes. I will take photos, and report back on whatever I see. I'm not a fan of yachting but I'm pleased for the city, as what with this, the Formula One, the Moto GP, the new international tennis tournament (won just last week by Andy Murray) and a top football team, Valencia is becoming more and more prominent. In the next 2 years, the new bullet train to Madrid will open, and the airport will be further expanded (you can already fly to New York from here). And so it seems that for once in my life I seem to be in the thick of things, and for a boy that grew up in the rather gloomy Norfolk town of Great Yarmouth, that's really exciting.

Next...

I feel a little guilty typing this post on my old Dell computer, but the truth is that it's getting a little long in the tooth. It's approaching its 6th birthday (we'll have a tearful party for it in January) it has Windows XP, a 4:3 screen (with a fair amount of burn), no integral webcam, a slow processor and a wired keyboard and mouse. Whilst these things all looked like they'd be used by 'The Jetsons' back in 2004, now they are the kinds of things that will soon be appearing in science museums. At the time, this was pretty much the best computer I could buy, but now it needs to be taken out, humanely shot and turned into glue.

Of course I won't actually kill it, it'll just move one space to the left and be used for iPod tracks, the odd game that'll still run on its graphics card and other bits and pieces. The machine pictured above will replace it, and I don't really need to tell any of you what it is do I ? But that next purchase will require a bit of saving, a good solid period of work and possibly the sale of at least one kidney. One thing is for sure though, this Christmas will be my Dell's last as 'main computer'. So it's soon to be goodbye XP, and hello Snow Leopard. It's been a good machine though I must say that, but its life is now over. Time to die.

Nearly There

Before I go any further, I promise that this will be my final post about the iPhone. But regular readers will realise that this item has become a minor obsession over the last few months. Now the end is in sight, I've looked at all the options, tried out the new Palm Pre, the Blackberry, the Samsung Jet and read up on the HTC range. And I have decided that for me, the iPhone is the one. I don't pretend it's perfect, it has battery issues, the camera could probably be better and the keyboard can be fiddly. But of all the possibilities, it's the phone that best suits me.

That's not to denigrate the rest of the market, much of which is technically superior. But the combination of the looks, functionality and the best software on the market have led me to the iPhone. So I shall be buying one, either just after Christmas, or perhaps earlier if I can swing it. And so on this blog, the smart phone issue is now closed. Until of course my next contract is coming to a close, and I'm sure the market will be totally different by then. Who knows, there may even be a new market leader to lust after.

You Know You Want This...

I've always found the whole concept of Jimmy Smits to be amusing. Right from when he started on L.A. Law, through his laughable appearance in Star Wars, to a career guesting on other shows, he's kept on popping up like an unwanted friend on Facebook. Indeed he has led me to coin the phrase 'What the Jimmy Smits is going on ?'. But something has happened. Well two things actually.

First off he went and turned up being all good at acting and stuff in 'The West Wing'. But I thought that maybe that was a fluke and perhaps he had slipped over on something and had been accidentally competent. But then came season three of Dexter, a show that I am becoming rapidly obsessed with, and he appeared again and was not only good, but outstanding as sinister A.D.A. Manuel Prado. In fact he walked off with the entire show despite the other excellent actors in the series. So I thought I should acknowledge this publicly and apologise to the 'Smitster'. You're alright Jimmy, just stay away from George Lucas in the future.

Persecuted For Being Sexy

This is a photo of a 20 year old girl who was expelled from a Brazilian University last week, for wearing a mini-dress. The University authorities tried to justify this decision on the basis that she had no idea about ethical principles, had deliberately flaunted herself and caused distraction amongst other students. When it was pointed out that it's no longer 1889, she was rapidly re-instated without a further word.

But it's a landmark because I cannot think of another example of someone being punished for being a sex bomb. This shouldn't be a surprise I guess, we live in a world where we are increasingly being told what to do by hypocrites and do-gooders. I'm amazed that smiling is still legal.

But hey, if wanton sexiness is to be outlawed then I guess I shall have to go into hiding. Somebody call the po-lice, because I'm now a wanted man ssssssssssssssss (mimes putting his finger to his skin and the sound of sizzling).

I'll get me coat.

Shut It !!

Any British boy worth his salt can do a Michael Caine impression. They're generally not very good but seem to always involve two factors, i) shouting and ii) the word 'bloody'. And the impressions are always affectionate, because we all worship the man. For all his detractors, I can't think of another British (or perhaps American) actor who can claim such a dazzling career.

From 60's classics like 'Zulu', 'Alfie', 'The Ipcress File' and 'The Italian Job', through the 70's with the likes of 'Get Carter', 'The Man Who Would Be King' and 'A Bridge Too Far', the 80's with 'Educating Rita', 'Hannah and Her Sisters', 'Mona Lisa' and up to the modern day with 'The Dark Knight', 'The Prestige' and 'Austin Powers : Goldmember'. Caine is a god and let's have no debate about it.

And that god, at the age of 76 is still working as hard as ever. His new film 'Harry Brown' sounds like a British version of 'Gran Torino' or a sequel to 'Get Carter'. The reviews it's getting are really strong, and he's following it with Chris Nolan's 'Inception'. I personally can't wait to see anything he's in, and I'm so grateful that he's still around and still as good as ever. Where his contemporaries like Roger Moore and Sean Connery are retired, Caine is still opening movies. Oh come let us a-bloody-dore him !

Having A Go At The Dost !!

A few years back I went through a phase of forcing myself to read posh books. The poshest one I read in that time was Homer's Odyssey, and I can tell you that it was a bitch. To me the main difference between normal books and 'literature' is that with the latter you often read a sentence and realise that although the author has used English words, you have no idea what they mean. Reading proper stuff requires concentration and work. Thus it doesn't sit too well with a bedside book. But nonetheless I'm currently ploughing through 'Crime & Punishment' last thing at night.

Reading literature is a bit like eating healthy food, it often doesn't go down too well (and you find yourself dreaming of cheeseburgers) but afterwards you have a great sense of well being, even more so when you've understood it. My bookshelves are stuffed with similar classics and so this won't be my last foray into intellectualism. In particular Dante has been waiting for me for many years, as have both Proust and Tolstoy.

I've often picked up those weighty tomes, looked inside and found that some of it actually looks intelligible, but I've then put them back in their places straight away. However I can't pull that off for much longer. I'm 40 years old, I have plenty of time, a clear head and no excuses left. So I either do this thing or resign myself to a life of pulp fiction. And as fun as the latter can be, it is also like a cheeseburger in that it goes down fine, but really does you no good at all. So wish me luck, I'm off right now to 19th Century St. Petersburg and I promise to try and not get confused by all the character names that end in 'vic'.

This Couldn't Be Less Interesting To Me If I Was Physically Dead

'Avatar' is nearly upon us, and in this new age of motion capture obsession (and we're not done yet, 'Tintin' still awaits us) I am left so cold by the whole notion that some doctors could mistake me for a corpse. Another example of this technology, 'A Christmas Carol' is coming out now, to mixed reviews, but my favourite is that of Empire magazine, which states that it's not as good as a live action version nor as good as a proper digimation (i.e Pixar) and so 'what's the point ?'. Quite.

'Avatar', James Cameron's new film now has a full trailer. A trailer is supposed to get audiences whipped up in a frenzy of anticipation, desperate to see the film. Sadly, with every new frame I see of Avatar I become more bored with the whole concept. It looks like a very clunky eco message, draped in cartoonish special effects that no-one is going to buy. From the looks of the trailer, all the action sequences are rendered in CGI, and no matter how many pixels they use, it will always look fake. Thus the audience can't engage and so we all get bored with the pretty pictures.

Of course the man whose last picture was the most successful movie of all time was going to be allowed to make anything he wanted, indeed if his next project had been a live action version of his shopping list, no doubt he'd have had them queueing at his door. But that doesn't mean it'll be any good. 'Avatar' has the most boring trailer I've ever seen, it's too long, looks like the intro to a video game, and contains not a single nanosecond of any interest whatsoever. So either Cameron has employed the worst trailer makers in the world, and they have totally misrepresented his master work, or he is about to lay the greatest cinematic turd of his career. And I don't care if it's in 3D either, 3D is rubbish. I want good stories, and acting, not silly high tech gimmicks.

Given that Cameron has spent 12 years away from movies, and has been underwater for much of that time (yeah, let the damn Titanic shit go Jim !) it seems that he might have come up from the depths too fast. Because quite how the director of Aliens, Terminator and True Lies can have come up with something seemingly so dull is beyond me. And you can't trust the movie press either, because they'll be lining up to pleasure themselves over 'Avatar' simply because either a) they think it's cool or b) December is a slow month and they need to sell some magazines. It's like when the Coen brothers release anything, even patent crap like 'Burn After Reading', the press don't dare say boo to the goose. And of course 'Avatar' may be great, I haven't given up on Cameron yet, he's a great film maker. But then so is Spielberg and he made '1941'. So I for one am going to take some serious persuading to spend money in order to watch a bunch of computer generated Thundercats fly around on a screen of computer graphics. I can get that from the Playstation.

Stress

I once ended up in the back of an ambulance due to work-related stress, so I know it's a real problem. Of course the whole concept is cheapened for many, when people routinely take months or years of paid sick leave for 'stress'. It may be that those people are either taking the piss, or just aren't suited for the job they've taken. Not everyone can do every job, that's a simple fact, you need a certain tolerance to do certain things. But when you have proved that you can do a certain job, it can still all be ruined by anxiety.

This week the National Health Service in Great Britain warned business that the amount of money being lost to the U.K. economy due to stress was immense, and that they need to do something about it. To me that's rather like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted. The problem is already huge, didn't anyone notice before ? Not only that but it's typical of the society we live in that these things only become a real issue when they cost us money. It isn't the human equation that bothers us seemingly, the fact that the quality of life of millions of honest hard-working people is being unnecessarily spoiled doesn't seem to bother anybody, but when it costs us cash then we must act !

Truth is that a lot of work stress comes from appalling management. In my experience, your bosses don't see you as a person, but more as a factor on the balance sheet, either being productive or not, rather like a machine. When you are productive they leave you alone but don't tend to say thanks. When you aren't then you'll see them, and rather than try to help you, in most cases they will simply exert pressure to try and gee you along. It's mainly all stick and very little carrot. This doesn't work because we are human beings, fallible, moody, unpredictable and emotional. We can't be assessed like robots. But many managers either don't see this or choose not to. Instead they are all too often on some private ego trip and are unwilling to behave properly.

In my case I couldn't stand it any more and I gave up a good career, sold my lovely house and moved to Spain. And it worked. I no longer have a boss, and it's great. My work is diverse and spread out, and if I lose something it doesn't affect the other stuff. No-one ever calls me into their office any more, no-one puts pressure on me to 'improve my performance' and no-one treats me with the respect of a fucking photocopier. But many other aren't so lucky, and until people start being treated properly then work-related stress will get worse and worse. Managers need to either be re-trained or fired, and so-called 'Human Resources' departments need to be torn apart and replaced by something that understands people better. Even the use of the word 'resources' here implies that human beings are to be treated as a disposable commodity, and it's revolting.

And you know what the irony of all this is ? It's that happy people are actually more productive. I've managed departments and can tell you that when you encourage people, make them feel safe, protected and respected, they actually work twice as hard for you and then everyone wins. If more managers put their egos aside and realised that, then far fewer people would dread the office every day. And given the amount of years we sacrifice to work, that really shouldn't be too much to ask should it ?